My wife and I have been married since 2003. You can say we've learned a number of things along the way. We've learned about likes and dislikes, but we've also learned to love each other deeper and with more forgiveness and compassion.
The wedding as an industry tends to focus on the excitement of that single day and less on sharing their wisdom of building a spectacular marriage. At Eventfully Simple, we want to be one wedding planner that pulls off your dream wedding while giving you some tools to build an amazing marriage. It will take a lifetime to explore, but we will share our best tips as you go through the planning process. We're not marriage counselors, but we've been around the block enough to know what does work.
1. Wedding Planning For Marriage
We view the planning of the wedding a unique challenge unlike you've ever experienced before. Planning a wedding will give you the chance to see how your tastes compliment each other. (Yes, we encourage the groom to get engaged in the details too! It is your day also! Don't sit back and let her make all the plans, think about what you'd like to see as well.)
Working through wedding details can be a time when you can see how your future spouse will react to stress. In our marriage, recognizing when the other person is dealing with significant stress can make you more patient, compassionate, and especially more tolerant. Just letting things go, be supportive, and remember to put things in perspective.
In the future you will have times of stress GUARANTEED! But how you manage through those times of stress is critical. There are times when we have just had to put it on the table. Communicating to your spouse about
2. Decision Making
You will see how they make decisions. I wish I had known this sooner! Learn about Myers-Briggs, it is a personality profiling system. Thankfully early on in our marriage we took an intensive course on this twice a week for two hours over five weeks. It has been over ten years since the course, but we learned so much about each other. While we learned more about pushing buttons, but also about ourselves.
We learned how each other makes decisions. I'm a Perceiver, which means I am slower to make decisions and like to gather until the very end. Once my decision is made, I don't like to change it. This also tends to impact projects in life. I love starting new projects and usually have...oh I don't know...10-20 going at the same time.
She is a Judger, which means she naturally moves towards decisions. She just feels better having the decision made than having it hang out there..incomplete. Yes, it is the opposite of me, but I love Judgers because the world stops without them. She is open to changing the decision if new information comes in, but it is much easier to change the mind of a judger than a perceiver.
You can also ask two easy questions. How important is this decision to you? Rate 1-10, and as my wife would say, what does a 1 mean and a 10 mean? Whoever it is more meaningful for gets to make the final decision.
3. Who's in Charge?
We can both have strong opinions and are both capable of leading. When we seem to be butting heads, we will step back and ask "Who is the Expedition Leader?" Usually this is around a family outing or doing something. For us, this is saying who is in charge of this event? Who ever is on point, gets to call the shots and the other helps to execute. Sometimes it is her, sometimes it is me.
You will make thousands of decisions throughout your marriage together. Knowing who gets to make the decision and recognizing how each person makes decisions will make it easier. There will be times when the Expedition Leader does make a bad call and things don't work out. Not a time for an "I told you so!" but a time to build trust through supporting each other and picking up the pieces together.